One of the greatest lessons in my personal growth journey was learning to trust myself.
Are you holding back from doing something “great” in your life because you don’t think you are good enough, or smart enough? Or perhaps you’re not the expert you think you should be, so your confidence is low?
Do you second-guess yourself SO much so that your decision-making is affected? Relationships fall apart, your business is at a stand-still, or your life just becomes bogged down with the feeling of getting ‘nowhere‘?
Where is the self-confidence and trust in ourselves?
How we see ourselves can often be vastly different than how others see us and I have noticed a particular pattern in my own life, which is now changing for the better.
As a kid, I loved playing baseball and found my comfort zone out in left field (I know … she’s way out in left field, again!). I could see the whole game from there. I was always in motion, ready to back up the in-fielders, or the centre fielder when my team mates were going after the ball. One day my coach asked if I would play 3rd base. What? That’s infield! Where all the “good” players are placed! I couldn’t do that! I politely declined, but he asked me to try anyway, and I did ok. In fact, it was kind of fun! You see, I didn’t trust myself and so I would only play in the positions that needed to be filled. My coach believed in me and gave me a chance, but I did not want to mess up a critical play. Back I went to the field, my comfort zone, where I had time to make my play, or support my other fielders.
‘Harmless enough’, you think…but when negative beliefs follow you through life, they can really hold you back from achieving what you truly desire.
During my corporate career, I would often ask others if I “made sense” following a presentation, or talk I had done. When I streamlined a process for the better, I always asked the owner if it was OK? Those I asked were always surprised that I was even concerned – “you seem perfectly confident; why would you ask?” or “Hell yeah, you made this so much easier.” I honestly wasn’t asking for compliments – I REALLY wanted to be sure because …I didn’t trust myself.
I always seemed to be waiting for someone to tell me I did not measure up.
Over time, I was given increasingly more important work and roles to take on with greater responsibility because my Manager(s) had confidence in me. Why? Simply because I had proven myself reliable and trustworthy enough to do the job and could in turn assume more accountability. Colleagues and leaders would come to me for guidance or advice because they valued my opinions and perspective. It took me years to actually admit and believe the fact that “I was valuable”.
I always assumed I happened to be in the right place at the right time! I would not give myself I credit for actually earning the promotions and opportunities that were offered to me.
Just like me, your beliefs and your abilities come from somewhere – perhaps a parent, teacher, spouse, or even an unpleasant experience! But that doesn’t matter – it is in the past, What matters is today. NOW.
Today, if you are aware of negative beliefs and self-doubt that holds you back from making a decision to do “something”, well, it’s time to have a closer look! Allow yourself time to reflect on your life starting from where you are today. Take stock of all you have going on (consider work, family, finances, health, relationships, etc.). Consciously look for what you have accomplished and where you add value, or are sought out by others. How many people in your life come to you for something only YOU can provide? Your knowledge, your experience, your wisdom, your love, your time … yourself.
Have you ever dismissed, or deflected a compliment from a manager, or a loved one? How is it that those who admire and trust you with their life seem to be wrong in the compliments and in the fabulous opportunities they offer you? If you do not believe them, who DO you believe? Certainly not yourself … and therein lies the problem!
You see, trusting yourself is not an act of blind faith. You have plenty of evidence that you are trustworthy – your family and friends believe in you, your employer has confidence in you, and your clients trust you. Some trust you with their money, some with their time, others with their love and some with their lives! You KNOW you can be trusted – you have proof. It’s time to take the leap and believe it.
One of the greatest lessons in my personal growth journey was learning to trust myself. Sure there is still a little work to do, but I know I can trust myself to take chances, try new things, keep growing and moving forward – and that is empowering.
Self-Confidence is a Powerful Tool #youvegotthis
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You know how good it feels to trust someone, right?
It is time to start generating some of those great feelings for yourself.
Start by allowing yourself to believe in the trust others have placed in you – they trust you for a reason!
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In Stephen M.R. Covey’s book The Speed of Trust he talks about behaviours that establish or restore self trust. Here are just a few examples for you:
Demonstrate Respect for yourself – do not beat yourself up when things don’t go exactly as expected. Love and treat yourself as you would others.
Show Loyalty to yourself – do not speak negatively to, or about yourself and don’t put yourself down.
Listen First to your own conscience– what does your gut, or your inner voice say? Don’t let the opinions of others persuade you to compromise what you truly feel you should, or shouldn’t do.
Keep commitments to yourself – when you make commitments to yourself, do so carefully and treat them with the same respect you do for others. (Note: When you don’t keep commitments you have made to others, they begin to distrust you. When you cannot keep commitments to yourself, YOU distrust you. Interesting, eh?)[/tagline_box]