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Do you ever find yourself feeling all riled up when you hear someone’s name because of something they’ve done in the past that upset you? Do you ever dread running into someone that you’ve come to despise because you have no idea how you’d respond to them in person again based on an incident from long ago? Are you still hurting over something that happened to you many, many years ago that you just can’t seem to let go of? Forgiveness just might be the key for you.
Who might you need to forgive? Who are you feeling some bitterness toward?
A parent who left your family while you were still young …
A child who chose to live with another parent vs you when you divorced…
A best friend who moved across the country to follow her dreams …
A company who no longer has a place for you …
An ex who was not loving, compassionate and respectful during your marriage …
An adult who abused your trust (and perhaps your body) when you were young …
A child who breaks the rules and pushes your limits …
A spouse who talks over you and seemingly dismisses your thoughts and opinions …
A schoolyard or workplace bully …
A relative who seems to have abandoned you or turned on you, for no apparent reason …
A co-worker who mistreated others as they sought appreciation for themselves …
A boss who thought being a leader meant shaming others in front of their peers …
A spouse or partner who decided they are no longer interested in a relationship with you …
What else …
Who has treated you in a way that has affected you so much, you’ve been holding on to a long standing grudge against them? This resentment can make you feel sad, lonely, or angry and cause you to suppress your feelings or lash out with broad sweeping statements about all people “like them”. It can be the catalyst for anxiety or depression. It can cause stress in your body that has been around for so long, you think it’s normal now. If you’ve been harbouring this kind of resentment for a while, how does it make YOU feel inside?
If you can think of even one person that upsets you even though you don’t see or interact with them all the time, I urge you to take some time to be still with your thoughts and maybe jot a few notes down as you consider this:
How many times did this person(s) do what they did that hurt or made you so angry that you just can’t seem to let it go?
How many times do those emotions resurface because you are “thinking” about those actions? Let’s be honest … sometimes we find ourselves reliving the past over and over again, repeatedly feeling the hurt and the pain for many years … even though the event occurred only once in some cases.
Perhaps it’s time to forgive … and set yourself free.
Forgiving someone does not mean you are condoning their actions or behaviour. To me, it means you are moving past it and disallowing that person’s behaviour to negatively affect you going forward. It’s a choice. You can choose to be tormented continually, or you can choose to learn from it and move on. As a dear friend once said, “Bad stuff happens”. We do have to deal with it in some way, and some “stuff” is much easier to manage than others. That said, letting it eat away at us doesn’t serve anyone – especially you.
In every instance you noted above, what is the lesson that can be learned for you? How can you turn that experience into a positive learning that allows you to move through it and forward?
What role did you play at the time, or are you playing now as you relive the experience? How would it feel if you chose to let that go?
Perhaps it’s time to forgive … and set yourself free.
Remember, I’m not asking you to condone the behaviour or ignore it … I’m asking you to acknowledge it, take action to address it (if possible), decide it is done and move on.
If you take the time to investigate how far you’ve come since the interaction, is it worth holding on to that never ending grudge? Was that instance somehow a catalyst for your ultimate success? For example, being fired by an overbearing boss may have hurt at the time, but may have been the best thing that happened to you.
Perhaps it’s time to forgive … and set yourself free.
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What do you need to forgive yourself for? Or … What are you willing to forgive yourself for?
We can all recall decisions, actions, behaviours, lies, stories or gossip that we’ve been involved in that have hurt others AND maybe even ourselves.
If you’ve ever thought … “maybe if I’d just done this, things would be different”
Perhaps it’s time to forgive yourself … and set yourself free
I firmly believe that every decision we’ve made so far has brought us to where we are today.
If we have felt hurt, vulnerable or angry, it means we’ve known love, strength and happiness.
If we have failed, it means we also know winning.
All this means we are growing.
I challenge you to let forgiveness be the key to set yourself free to grow further and faster.
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